News & Views: not here edition

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

1. I don't want to be here. I just don't.

Last night the boys' father and I had a long talk about me re-entering the workforce after 10 years and the fear is so complete and so paralyzing. I don't even know where to start but he is thinking Uber driving.

After I got the kids off to school the morning, it took a Herculean effort to put clothes on and brush my teeth and go to the pharmacy to pick up Minor's epi pen (which we were out of, which was its own anxiety). But the fact is we probably won't have health insurance after Friday, so I need to get it in the next four days.

Really, the only thing keeping me going is my soap opera updates on Friday. A silly thing but it's all mine and I feel a sense of commitment to it, especially because it is winding down.

I am taking Minor to the allergist tomorrow and doing the food SHOPPING which has become a weekly nightmare. I know I chose this cage over and over and over for the last 10 years, but damn there really feels like no way out of it.

There is no point to me. I know some of you will be very kind and say there is a point to me, but it doesn't seem like there is, especially since Minor started SHAVING the other night (!!!) .

Comments

[dr_zook]

Oh man, I'm so sorry about Everything. And congratulations to getting important things done! Seriously, especially if one feels crippled by anxiety it's good to take these steps.

Also: Minor shaved!! 😱 Time is running, wow.

[falkner]

It can't really be helped that being stuck in an awful situation makes you feel hopeless... I'm glad you can find joy in some things anyway [hugs]

And OMG, first shave?! Minor will be a handsome young man in no time!!

[dine]

I'm sorry you're dealing with so much right now

Minor started SHAVING - it's just impossible that children isist on growing - how dare they!

[sixbeforelunch]

I'm so sorry things are so hard right now *hugs*

[smallhobbit]

I shall be one of those to say there is a point to you, and I'm delighted to have you as my friend!

But yes, I can guess just how daunting the thought of re-entering the workforce will be. And you're doing really well just coping with all the day-to-day chores when life is throwing everything it has at you.

I used to stand on the bottom stair when I wanted to make the point to my kids - both of whom grew taller than me.

[malinaldarose]

I'm sorry everything is so hard right now. Hugs if you want them.

[firecat]

You'd make a good editor/proofreader I bet.

OMG you kept a kid alive for thirteen years! You're a fucking hero.

And yeah I'm going to say there is a point to you but I'm also going to say people don't need to have a point.

[castiron]

Thinking of you. This all sucks. I hope the tiny things can keep you afloat until you have enough of a raft to climb onto. You are a cool person to have in the world.