News & Views: not here edition

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

1. I don't want to be here. I just don't.

Last night the boys' father and I had a long talk about me re-entering the workforce after 10 years and the fear is so complete and so paralyzing. I don't even know where to start but he is thinking Uber driving.

After I got the kids off to school the morning, it took a Herculean effort to put clothes on and brush my teeth and go to the pharmacy to pick up Minor's epi pen (which we were out of, which was its own anxiety). But the fact is we probably won't have health insurance after Friday, so I need to get it in the next four days.

Really, the only thing keeping me going is my soap opera updates on Friday. A silly thing but it's all mine and I feel a sense of commitment to it, especially because it is winding down.

I am taking Minor to the allergist tomorrow and doing the food SHOPPING which has become a weekly nightmare. I know I chose this cage over and over and over for the last 10 years, but damn there really feels like no way out of it.

There is no point to me. I know some of you will be very kind and say there is a point to me, but it doesn't seem like there is, especially since Minor started SHAVING the other night (!!!) .

Comments

[dr_zook]

Oh man, I'm so sorry about Everything. And congratulations to getting important things done! Seriously, especially if one feels crippled by anxiety it's good to take these steps.

Also: Minor shaved!! 😱 Time is running, wow.

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Thank you. I am not opposed to working or doing any kind of work...just how to go about it and getting out there...it's frightening.

Yes. He is about 4 inches taller than me now. He is growing very fast.

[snowynight]

I'm sorry that things suck. It's understandable that you feel stuck and anxiety in such situation.

Children grow so fast!

[falkner]

It can't really be helped that being stuck in an awful situation makes you feel hopeless... I'm glad you can find joy in some things anyway [hugs]

And OMG, first shave?! Minor will be a handsome young man in no time!!

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Yes, and I know it could be worse but it's difficult to see a way out.

Yes. He is handsome!

[dine]

I'm sorry you're dealing with so much right now

Minor started SHAVING - it's just impossible that children isist on growing - how dare they!

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Thank you. I know it's all over. I just wish I could see some path in the misery.

Yes. He's much taller than me and still 13!

[sixbeforelunch]

I'm so sorry things are so hard right now *hugs*

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Thank you!

[smallhobbit]

I shall be one of those to say there is a point to you, and I'm delighted to have you as my friend!

But yes, I can guess just how daunting the thought of re-entering the workforce will be. And you're doing really well just coping with all the day-to-day chores when life is throwing everything it has at you.

I used to stand on the bottom stair when I wanted to make the point to my kids - both of whom grew taller than me.

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Thank you. I wish I could just natter about Sherlock Holmes but this is getting to be too much for me.

Daunting is the word but daunting to a severe degree. Like I just can't imagine what it will look like.

Yes, Minor is much taller than me now.

[debriswoman]

I am even more delighteder than hobbit ( if that is actually possible) to have you as a friend, and will also add that there are many points to you…it does need saying even if it doesn’t feel helpful at the moment.
Sorrier than I can say that things are so tough right now…hugs.
And make the most of looking down at Minisculus for now…I am completely towered over by my family, and have been for some time.
Adding more hugs here…and here…and over here…and where I missed a spot…
Also willing to talk Sherlock Holmes when needed, and when not.

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Thank you.

They are tough, and they are probably going to get tougher.

:)

Yeah, I wish I could compartmentalize better but it is just overwhelming.

[malinaldarose]

I'm sorry everything is so hard right now. Hugs if you want them.

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Thank you!

[firecat]

You'd make a good editor/proofreader I bet.

OMG you kept a kid alive for thirteen years! You're a fucking hero.

And yeah I'm going to say there is a point to you but I'm also going to say people don't need to have a point.

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

You're hilarious.

Ha, ha. Nobody has congratulated on that before, thank you.

Ah, that's a good point (!!!)

[firecat]

I don’t mean to be hilarious. You have a gift for words that I’ve seen in others who do that work.

[castiron]

Thinking of you. This all sucks. I hope the tiny things can keep you afloat until you have enough of a raft to climb onto. You are a cool person to have in the world.

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Thank you!