Rant

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

So yesterday I took Minor to his first Religious Education class of the year. And there was a prayer service and a parents' meeting after. I expected to zone out, to think about fic or to mentally work on my poem. But I found it to be very, very disturbing. My brain was poaching in my skull. I was raised Catholic and have practiced for most of my adult life. I fell away twice after waves of child abuse scandals, but went back. After the 2016 election, I left for good.

The boys' father wants to go for Christmas and Easter mass and he wants Minor to get his First Communion. That's why we were there.

I really, really hate the Church. I didn't realize how much until last night. Sitting there made my skin crawl. One speaker got up and she was a bit young (and pregnant) and a bit much, then she got her mother to get up and talk about her miscarriages, infertility, and how being on a priest's prayer list enabled her to have 7 children (she threw in a bit of anti-choice slam in the process). I was supremely uncomfortable and it disturbed me all night (which I tended to by writing the blowjob chapter of Men in Kilts) and I got to sleep around 4 (and I had to go to a funeral today). My mother had a pair of twins die and I can't imagine asking her to get up in front of a room full of strangers, and talk about her personal relationship with Jesus. It was all awful and bizarre.

I was sitting in a place built by patriarchy because of patriarchy (the boys' father pays the bills and is conveniently an ocean away) listening to patriarchy and I wanted scream or claw my skin off or do something.

I kept looking around, thinking, 'this is not my tribe.' I'm better today, but God, it is going to be a long year.