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stonepicnicking_okapiTitle: That Cat Solves a Mystery
Fandoms: Jeeves & Wooster (Wodehouse) and Miss Marple (Agatha Christie)
Rating: Gen
Length: 1500
For: the 51 +Crossover Fandoms Challenge prompt 05. cat.
Notes: Plot is from "The Trinity Cat" by Ellis Peters. Takes place after A Caribbean Mystery. In the same AU as my Jeeves & the Blue Train, where Jeeves moonlights writing mystery novels.
Summary: Jeeves housesits for Miss Marple while she's on holiday in the Caribbean.
“Mister Jeeves.”
“Welcome home, Miss Marple.”
“I hope my early return has not inconvenienced you.”
“Not at all, ma’am, and if I may take a liberty, the Caribbean agrees with you. You are looking ‘bronzed and fit.’”
“Now, Mister Jeeves, it’s curious you should use that phrase. You are the second person to have said it to me today.”
“Indeed? Who was the first?”
The door was still open, but the threshold was immediately filled with what can only be described as a well-dressed force of nature, a typhoon whose trajectory included Savile Row and Bond Street.
Enter, stage left, Mister Bertram Wilberforce Wooster.
“I told her that myself when I collected her from the airport! Hullo, hullo, hullo, Jeeves! How’s the Winnie-the-Pooh business, hiding out in the One Hundred Acre Wood, living under the name of Saunders, or rather Marple? Got all the chapters to your goose-flesher inked? Ready to bundle off The Mystery of Lime Pinafore and return to the stand to earn your weekly envelope?”
“Yes, sir, these weeks in Saint Mary Mead, maintaining Miss Marple’s house for her while she was on holiday, have been an unqualified success. The lack of interruption has allowed me to finish the manuscript according to schedule.”
“Splendid, Mister Jeeves!” cried Miss Marple, clasping her hands together.
“Here’s the plate and the King Charles tankard, Jeeves,” Mister Wooster sallied by, thrusting a bundle at the level of a second waistcoat button, “we picked them up from the bank on the way home.”
“I shall take care of those, Mister Wooster,” said Miss Marple, reclaiming the wrapped objects.
“While Mister Wooster and I bring in your bags, ma’am.”
“Thank you both. Then, Mister Jeeves, I want to hear all the news.”
“Yes, ma’am. And then, perhaps, I might oblige you with a luncheon?”
“Yes, Mister Jeeves, that will do nicely. The rather spirited motor trip from the airport, with a stop by the bank, has given me an appetite.”
“Rather,” agreed Mister Wooster.
---
“Really, Mister Jeeves, you’ve done a wonderful job. I could not be more pleased with how you’ve taken care of everything,” said Miss Marple, later, when the three of them were ensconced cosily in the kitchen, Miss Marple, sitting in the most comfortable chair at the kitchen table; Jeeves, bustling about preparing a gourmet luncheon for three; and Mister Wooster, generally getting in the way of things. “It is so fortunate that you ran into my nephew Raymond West at your publisher’s office.”
“Yes, ma’am. Mister West was looking for someone to take care of your residence while you were away, and I was looking for a quiet writer’s retreat.”
“And it is also fortunate,” continued Miss Marple with an indulgent smile at Mister Wooster, who would insist on sitting on the counter just as Jeeves was attempting to chop vegetables, “that Mister Wooster was amenable to your prolonged absence.”
“Oh, I’m a sensitive plant, don’t you know? I know Jeeves’s art is very important to him, so I managed without him for a few weeks, that is to say, I managed to get myself engaged to the most frightful beazel! There’s work to be done, Jeeves, when you get back to London. I’m in the matrimonial consommé once again.”
“Yes, sir.”
“It is a regular occurrence, Mister Wooster?”
“I’ll say! If I wasn’t already rolling in the needful, I’d start my own line of sponge bag trousers. Luckily, I’ve never actually worn a pair yet. Jeeves always manages to figure a way out of it.”
“Well, then, I imagine all will be resolved shortly to everyone’s satisfaction,” said Miss Marple. She sighed. “So nice to be home.”
“Did you enjoy yourself, Miss Marple?”
“I did, Mister Jeeves, but I must say things were a little too peaceful until the murder.”
The two men stared at her.
“There was murder, Miss Marple?”
“Three, Mister Jeeves,” replied Miss Marple demurely. “But I prevented a fourth.”
Mister Wooster and Jeeves exchanged significant glances.
“I think, ma’am, Mister Wooster and I would greatly appreciate hearing the whole story over luncheon.”
Miss Marple beamed. “I thought you might.”
---
“…and it was a lucky thing, too, but he met his match in me,” concluded Miss Marple with a firm nod of her head.
“By Jove!” exclaimed Mister Wooster, gaping like a fish over the excellent luncheon, which had been reduced to crumbs, at the elderly lady with the china blue eyes. “You’re the stripe in the cat’s pyjamas, Miss Marple! Raymond West doesn’t know how lucky he is! When they were passing out aunts, he got the pick of the litter! I mean, my Aunt Dahlia’s all right, but she’s more likely to cause a murder, purely by accident, don’t you know, than solve one. And my Aunt Agatha, well, she could be headmistress at a Gorgon finishing school! But, you! Egad!”
“I have to echo my employer’s sentiments, Miss Marple. You, and your tale, are extraordinary.”
“Thank you,” said Miss Marple, adding rather soberly, “There is much wickedness in the world.”
“Wickedness has not escaped Saint Mary Mead, either, I’m afraid, Miss Marple.”
“No, Mister Jeeves? Tell me.”
“Miss Thomson died.”
“Oh, dear me! Patience Thomson? Why, she was getting on for eighty!”
“But it was not from natural causes, Miss Marple.”
“Oh, no.”
“We must have the story, Jeeves.”
“Would you like dessert, Miss Marple? I have a very fine fruit compote with cream. And coffee, perhaps?”
“Fruit?” Miss Marple’s brow crinkled. “Not,” she asked hesitatingly, “pawpaw?”
“No, ma’am,” Jeeves assured her, “English apple.”
“Ah,” said Miss Marple. “English apple! How I’ve dreamt of those!”
“And cream that no doubt came from contented English cows,” added Mister Wooster.
“Of course, sir.”
“Yes, Mister Jeeves, then let’s have dessert and the story.”
“Anything like The Mystery of the Lime Pinafore, Jeeves?”
“No, sir. This story could be called ‘That Cat Solves a Mystery.’”
Miss Marple smiled.
---
“’That Cat’ is the name of a cat who lives near the vicarage, not very near the vicarage, mind you, for that is the territory of Tiglath Pileser, the vicarage cat, but old Tiglath is getting slow these days, and That Cat is a young and spry and a very good mouser,” explained Miss Marple. “And Miss Thomson doted on him. Always free with her liver scraps and other little treats. So, Mister Jeeves, what happened to Miss Thomson?”
“She was found in her living room with her head caved in, Miss Marple,” said Jeeves gently.
“Oh, dear.”
“She was dressed as Sargent Polk, who I’ve befriended in my short time in Saint Mary Mead, saw her the previous day, with her coat and gloves on, a shopping bag on the floor with a record that was to be her great nephew’s birthday gift, intact, and her handbag missing.”
Miss Marple tut-tutted. “And her jewelry? She had Victorian and Edwardian pieces from her mother. She always wore at least one piece, every day.”
“Gone. One of her heavy brass candlesticks was beside her. The weapon. It was evident that she surprised a burglar.”
“Sad story, Jeeves. Did the police get the blighter? Oh, excuse me, the culprit.”
“They did. With the help of That Cat.”
“Ah,” said Miss Marple.
“That Cat, according to Sargent Polk, got into the crime scene and was found sniffing about Miss Thomson’s shopping bag. He was also very interested in young Joel Woodward—”
“Grandson of old Joe Woodward,” interjected Miss Marple, “Grandfather and grandson live together, and they were Miss Thomson’s nearest neighbors.”
“—and his girlfriend Connie Dymond.”
“Oh,” said Miss Marple knowingly.
“A day later, I happened upon That Cat digging up what turned out to be Miss Thomson’s missing handbag in the far corner of the churchyard.”
“The plot thickens!” exclaimed Mister Wooster.
“The handbag, as it turned out, was empty. Sargent Polk and I discussed the matter and formulated a plan. With my help, we got That Cat into a cat carrier and took it to the residence of Miss Connie Dymond.”
Jeeves paused.
“And?” prompted Mister Wooster.
“And That Cat went right upstairs to the young lady’s bedroom, jumped up on the dresser, and began to meow vociferously. Amongst the undergarments was found most of the stolen jewelry and,” he paused for effect, “a new catmint mouse that Miss Thomson had bought for That Cat and which Miss Dymond had stupidly mistaken for a sachet.”
“Oh, dear,” said Miss Marple, shaking her head ruefully. “Poor Miss Patience!”
“But that’s one clever cat!” said Mister Wooster. “But not the first we’ve known in our time. Do you remember Potato Chip, Jeeves?”
“I do, sir. Another highly intelligent and sensitive feline specimen.”
“More things in heaven and earth, Mister Jeeves.”
“Indeed, Miss Marple.”
---
Some time later, Miss Marple was waving good-bye from her front door, very happy to be back in her home and wondering how long it would take the two gentlemen to notice that they had a feline stowaway in the back seat of their car.
Fandoms: Jeeves & Wooster (Wodehouse) and Miss Marple (Agatha Christie)
Rating: Gen
Length: 1500
For: the 51 +Crossover Fandoms Challenge prompt 05. cat.
Notes: Plot is from "The Trinity Cat" by Ellis Peters. Takes place after A Caribbean Mystery. In the same AU as my Jeeves & the Blue Train, where Jeeves moonlights writing mystery novels.
Summary: Jeeves housesits for Miss Marple while she's on holiday in the Caribbean.
“Mister Jeeves.”
“Welcome home, Miss Marple.”
“I hope my early return has not inconvenienced you.”
“Not at all, ma’am, and if I may take a liberty, the Caribbean agrees with you. You are looking ‘bronzed and fit.’”
“Now, Mister Jeeves, it’s curious you should use that phrase. You are the second person to have said it to me today.”
“Indeed? Who was the first?”
The door was still open, but the threshold was immediately filled with what can only be described as a well-dressed force of nature, a typhoon whose trajectory included Savile Row and Bond Street.
Enter, stage left, Mister Bertram Wilberforce Wooster.
“I told her that myself when I collected her from the airport! Hullo, hullo, hullo, Jeeves! How’s the Winnie-the-Pooh business, hiding out in the One Hundred Acre Wood, living under the name of Saunders, or rather Marple? Got all the chapters to your goose-flesher inked? Ready to bundle off The Mystery of Lime Pinafore and return to the stand to earn your weekly envelope?”
“Yes, sir, these weeks in Saint Mary Mead, maintaining Miss Marple’s house for her while she was on holiday, have been an unqualified success. The lack of interruption has allowed me to finish the manuscript according to schedule.”
“Splendid, Mister Jeeves!” cried Miss Marple, clasping her hands together.
“Here’s the plate and the King Charles tankard, Jeeves,” Mister Wooster sallied by, thrusting a bundle at the level of a second waistcoat button, “we picked them up from the bank on the way home.”
“I shall take care of those, Mister Wooster,” said Miss Marple, reclaiming the wrapped objects.
“While Mister Wooster and I bring in your bags, ma’am.”
“Thank you both. Then, Mister Jeeves, I want to hear all the news.”
“Yes, ma’am. And then, perhaps, I might oblige you with a luncheon?”
“Yes, Mister Jeeves, that will do nicely. The rather spirited motor trip from the airport, with a stop by the bank, has given me an appetite.”
“Rather,” agreed Mister Wooster.
---
“Really, Mister Jeeves, you’ve done a wonderful job. I could not be more pleased with how you’ve taken care of everything,” said Miss Marple, later, when the three of them were ensconced cosily in the kitchen, Miss Marple, sitting in the most comfortable chair at the kitchen table; Jeeves, bustling about preparing a gourmet luncheon for three; and Mister Wooster, generally getting in the way of things. “It is so fortunate that you ran into my nephew Raymond West at your publisher’s office.”
“Yes, ma’am. Mister West was looking for someone to take care of your residence while you were away, and I was looking for a quiet writer’s retreat.”
“And it is also fortunate,” continued Miss Marple with an indulgent smile at Mister Wooster, who would insist on sitting on the counter just as Jeeves was attempting to chop vegetables, “that Mister Wooster was amenable to your prolonged absence.”
“Oh, I’m a sensitive plant, don’t you know? I know Jeeves’s art is very important to him, so I managed without him for a few weeks, that is to say, I managed to get myself engaged to the most frightful beazel! There’s work to be done, Jeeves, when you get back to London. I’m in the matrimonial consommé once again.”
“Yes, sir.”
“It is a regular occurrence, Mister Wooster?”
“I’ll say! If I wasn’t already rolling in the needful, I’d start my own line of sponge bag trousers. Luckily, I’ve never actually worn a pair yet. Jeeves always manages to figure a way out of it.”
“Well, then, I imagine all will be resolved shortly to everyone’s satisfaction,” said Miss Marple. She sighed. “So nice to be home.”
“Did you enjoy yourself, Miss Marple?”
“I did, Mister Jeeves, but I must say things were a little too peaceful until the murder.”
The two men stared at her.
“There was murder, Miss Marple?”
“Three, Mister Jeeves,” replied Miss Marple demurely. “But I prevented a fourth.”
Mister Wooster and Jeeves exchanged significant glances.
“I think, ma’am, Mister Wooster and I would greatly appreciate hearing the whole story over luncheon.”
Miss Marple beamed. “I thought you might.”
---
“…and it was a lucky thing, too, but he met his match in me,” concluded Miss Marple with a firm nod of her head.
“By Jove!” exclaimed Mister Wooster, gaping like a fish over the excellent luncheon, which had been reduced to crumbs, at the elderly lady with the china blue eyes. “You’re the stripe in the cat’s pyjamas, Miss Marple! Raymond West doesn’t know how lucky he is! When they were passing out aunts, he got the pick of the litter! I mean, my Aunt Dahlia’s all right, but she’s more likely to cause a murder, purely by accident, don’t you know, than solve one. And my Aunt Agatha, well, she could be headmistress at a Gorgon finishing school! But, you! Egad!”
“I have to echo my employer’s sentiments, Miss Marple. You, and your tale, are extraordinary.”
“Thank you,” said Miss Marple, adding rather soberly, “There is much wickedness in the world.”
“Wickedness has not escaped Saint Mary Mead, either, I’m afraid, Miss Marple.”
“No, Mister Jeeves? Tell me.”
“Miss Thomson died.”
“Oh, dear me! Patience Thomson? Why, she was getting on for eighty!”
“But it was not from natural causes, Miss Marple.”
“Oh, no.”
“We must have the story, Jeeves.”
“Would you like dessert, Miss Marple? I have a very fine fruit compote with cream. And coffee, perhaps?”
“Fruit?” Miss Marple’s brow crinkled. “Not,” she asked hesitatingly, “pawpaw?”
“No, ma’am,” Jeeves assured her, “English apple.”
“Ah,” said Miss Marple. “English apple! How I’ve dreamt of those!”
“And cream that no doubt came from contented English cows,” added Mister Wooster.
“Of course, sir.”
“Yes, Mister Jeeves, then let’s have dessert and the story.”
“Anything like The Mystery of the Lime Pinafore, Jeeves?”
“No, sir. This story could be called ‘That Cat Solves a Mystery.’”
Miss Marple smiled.
---
“’That Cat’ is the name of a cat who lives near the vicarage, not very near the vicarage, mind you, for that is the territory of Tiglath Pileser, the vicarage cat, but old Tiglath is getting slow these days, and That Cat is a young and spry and a very good mouser,” explained Miss Marple. “And Miss Thomson doted on him. Always free with her liver scraps and other little treats. So, Mister Jeeves, what happened to Miss Thomson?”
“She was found in her living room with her head caved in, Miss Marple,” said Jeeves gently.
“Oh, dear.”
“She was dressed as Sargent Polk, who I’ve befriended in my short time in Saint Mary Mead, saw her the previous day, with her coat and gloves on, a shopping bag on the floor with a record that was to be her great nephew’s birthday gift, intact, and her handbag missing.”
Miss Marple tut-tutted. “And her jewelry? She had Victorian and Edwardian pieces from her mother. She always wore at least one piece, every day.”
“Gone. One of her heavy brass candlesticks was beside her. The weapon. It was evident that she surprised a burglar.”
“Sad story, Jeeves. Did the police get the blighter? Oh, excuse me, the culprit.”
“They did. With the help of That Cat.”
“Ah,” said Miss Marple.
“That Cat, according to Sargent Polk, got into the crime scene and was found sniffing about Miss Thomson’s shopping bag. He was also very interested in young Joel Woodward—”
“Grandson of old Joe Woodward,” interjected Miss Marple, “Grandfather and grandson live together, and they were Miss Thomson’s nearest neighbors.”
“—and his girlfriend Connie Dymond.”
“Oh,” said Miss Marple knowingly.
“A day later, I happened upon That Cat digging up what turned out to be Miss Thomson’s missing handbag in the far corner of the churchyard.”
“The plot thickens!” exclaimed Mister Wooster.
“The handbag, as it turned out, was empty. Sargent Polk and I discussed the matter and formulated a plan. With my help, we got That Cat into a cat carrier and took it to the residence of Miss Connie Dymond.”
Jeeves paused.
“And?” prompted Mister Wooster.
“And That Cat went right upstairs to the young lady’s bedroom, jumped up on the dresser, and began to meow vociferously. Amongst the undergarments was found most of the stolen jewelry and,” he paused for effect, “a new catmint mouse that Miss Thomson had bought for That Cat and which Miss Dymond had stupidly mistaken for a sachet.”
“Oh, dear,” said Miss Marple, shaking her head ruefully. “Poor Miss Patience!”
“But that’s one clever cat!” said Mister Wooster. “But not the first we’ve known in our time. Do you remember Potato Chip, Jeeves?”
“I do, sir. Another highly intelligent and sensitive feline specimen.”
“More things in heaven and earth, Mister Jeeves.”
“Indeed, Miss Marple.”
---
Some time later, Miss Marple was waving good-bye from her front door, very happy to be back in her home and wondering how long it would take the two gentlemen to notice that they had a feline stowaway in the back seat of their car.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-22 01:12 pm (UTC)I recognised the plot! I hope Bertie and Jeeves make That Cat very welcome.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-22 01:27 pm (UTC)It's the first one in one of the Christmas book. I think That Cat will probably create havoc and have to eventually be returned to Saint Mary Mead where there are elderly spinsters who can dote on it (and don't mind the shedding). But that would be a fun story, too.