My Poem: Original: The first sign of spring

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Title: The first sign of spring
Rating: Gen
Poetic form: Pantoum
Length: 172

the first sign of spring, the first sign of spring
hear the first cuckoo sing, hear the first one sing
like bells, the birds ring, like church bells, they ring
a new song to sing, a new everything

hear the first cuckoo sing, hear the first one sing,
the hive comes alive, goodbye winter’s sting
a new song to sing, a new everything
hark the new chorus of honeybee’s wing

the hive comes alive, goodbye winter’s sting,
there’s crocus to kiss, sweet nectar to bring,
hark the new chorus of honeybee’s wing
in the breeze, buds swing, the bright bluebells swing

there’s crocus to kiss, sweet nectar to bring
as blossom motes cling to legs thin as string
in the breeze, buds swing, the bright bluebells swing
‘pon soft arrow’s fling, the wild perfumes wring

as blossom motes cling to legs thin as string
like bells, the birds ring, like church bells, they ring
‘pon soft arrow’s fling, the wild perfumes wring
the first sign of spring, the first sign of spring

Comments

[firecat]

Delightful to read aloud; I love repeated-lines poem forms. I wish I had the skill to create an audio version with sound or music in the background.

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Oh, yea, you read it aloud! This one would work with accompaniment, I agree. It's a lovely thought. Thank you!

[firecat]

I read it aloud because it compelled me to!

[smallhobbit]

A lovely description of spring. A great use of the form.

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Thank you, thank you!

[saki101]

That was a beautiful bouquet of images. It's cloudy and dim today, but it was bright while I read your poem. Lovely!

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Oh, thank you! I am very happy to brighten your day!

[scfrankles]

That's lovely ^___^ I'm particularly taken with the lines:

the hive comes alive, goodbye winter’s sting,

there’s crocus to kiss, sweet nectar to bring,

as blossom motes cling to legs thin as string

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Thank you! Try to describe pollen was especially challenging. I was drunk on rhyme in this one!